My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
