let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Randomize
