The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
