i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
