That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
