Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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