You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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