I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
