I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
