just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I touched a dick in church today
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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