i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
