If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
