Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
