Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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