I'm eating all of the evidence.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
