I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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