so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
