he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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