He disabled his match.com account in front of me
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
