I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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