so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
