I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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