the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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