My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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