every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
