I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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