I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
