I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
