Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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