you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
handjob tips. give me some.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
