Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm too high and old for this...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
