I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
