i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
