Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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