I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
