so that wasnt chicken after all
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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