Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
