She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She told me I should be a condom model.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
