I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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