Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
