I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
