btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
