my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
