Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
