I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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