So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
