yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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