Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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