I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
