I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This is not my ceiling
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
